No matter how rock solid your relationship or your marriage might be, the occasional fight is par for the course. Nobody is perfect. Sometimes a difference in opinion can escalate, and before you know it, you're in the middle of a full-blown fight! Worse still is when the fight is so bad that you stop speaking to each other, this can last for days and you may begin to start wondering how you’re ever going to come back from this latest argument. If it’s just the latest in a long line of arguments, you might be left even questioning whether your marriage is worth it?
All couples go through their ups and downs, but if you seem to be on a perpetual merry go round fraught with breaking up and making up, then that isn't good. It's not good for your stress levels, and the more frequently it happens, the more difficult it might seem to heal the rift.
In this article we will discuss how to heal a relationship after a fight, which is a crucial skill for any long-lasting, happy and successful marriage.
If you or your marriage is really struggling and in need of expert, neutral advice, then we highly recommend that you check out Save The Marriage. It’s packed with helpful resources and information to help couples going through uncertain times and navigating the choppy (occasionally very choppy!) waters of marriage.
How to Begin to Fix a Relationship After Your Latest Fight
The truth is, fixing a relationship isn’t nearly as difficult as you might think. Sure, it requires one of you to make the first conciliatory move and to be prepared to take the necessary steps needed to improve your relationship and fix that latest fight, but the great news is that it can be done, relatively painlessly too. Just remember that you are ‘adulting’ here.
Keep your cool, respect each other, your boundaries and your opinions and be prepared to step up to the plate to start that process of reconciliation. Chances are, you won’t regret it, and one thing is for sure, going to sleep on a fight never helped any relationship so by all means, blow off some steam first, but get ready to repair the damage before bedtime. Let’s look at a few simple sure-fire steps to bridging the gap post blow up.
There’s nothing wrong with blowing off a little steam
Some of us are more explosive than others and might erupt more quickly and more often, but holding things inside serves no good to no man (or woman), so allow yourself to vent a little bit first. It’s perfectly natural and healthy to do so.
You may even need a walk around the block to calm yourself down or just a few minutes to yourself to press that reset button and get your rational hat back on. That’s fine. Take those deep breaths, go for that quick walk, make a cup of tea. Whatever it is that you need to do just to let it go and relax. You need to be cool, calm and collected before you begin to tell your partner exactly how you’re feeling.
Communicate with your partner and explain where your emotions currently are
As the old saying goes, it’s good to talk. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, and unless you articulate how they made you feel and what it is that they did to make you feel so angry, you won’t be able to repair the damage and move forward. Of course, you might be thinking that they should absolutely know what it was that they did.
Truth be told, they probably do and are already feeling sorry about it, but if you don’t explain why their behavior bothers you so much, you’re denying them the opportunity too to be a better and more understanding partner. So go ahead and get it off your chest in an open, honest, respectful and communicative way.
Now it’s your turn to listen to what your partner has to say in return
Communication is a two-way process, and it’s absolutely vital that once you’ve explained how you are feeling, you respect your partner and provide them with the same opportunity back. Make sure that both of you have put your phones away at this point and are focused only on each other and the conversation at hand. You might be surprised to hear just how they feel about the situation too, and it could turn into a positive learning experience for you both.
Don’t allow your thoughts to wonder, or to become distracted going off on a tangent
It’s crucial that you stay focused, grounded and in the present moment. Deal with one issue at a time rather than getting overwhelmed and attempting to deal with every problem you’ve ever had. Now is not the time to bring up past arguments and disagreements that are unrelated to the latest fight, tempting as it may be to try and score some points. This moment is all about reconciliation. So deal with the current issues one at a time, attempting to resolve them, so that you can move forward and leave them in the past.
Work together to come up with a mutually agreeable solution
Perhaps you both have ideas on how to heal the fight. Be prepared to bring your own solutions to the party but also to listen to the other’s. Discuss all of the presented options and perhaps work on a compromise agreement which satisfies you both a little rather than just one of you a lot.
Think about why the argument erupted in the first place and what you might need to do differently in the future. If this is just the most recent in a very long line of similar fights, try to uncover their root cause so that you can prevent it from happening again in the future. It’s all about teamwork and cooperation if you want to have a successful relationship and a happily ever after.
Make sure that you are both in final agreement on what the end result should be
If you are not both happy with the end result, it won’t last for long, that much is for sure. So if necessary, keep discussing all the alternatives until you reach a mutual, if not entirely happy, solution. As we said at the beginning, fights are inevitable, but it’s how you choose to deal with them and move on that’s important.
If you really don’t have the collective skills to resolve your problems together successfully, then it might be time to seek some external professional advice. Before you do that though, why not take a look at Save The Marriage? It’s packed with useful resources and highly practical information that has helped many couples heal the battle wounds from their latest fight.