When you start having the conversation of having children with your husband, it’s common to only focus on the positives. The joy of bringing another person into the world and teaching them right from wrong is the most selfless and beautiful thing you can do.
That is until you realize how difficult raising a kid actually is.
Becoming a parent is a giant change in both of your lives, and it can also put a lot of pressure on your relationship. In fact, it’s quite common for spouses to try to figure out how not to hate your husband after kids.
How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids
Aside from raging hormones, raising kids will leave you exposed to a whole other side of your significant other, especially his capabilities as a father. Below are our favorite ways to prevent as much resentment as possible as a new parent so that your relationship can flourish, rather than falter.
Let Him Learn
In some ways, having a spouse is like having a child. This is especially true if you’re the type of person who is very well-versed in what it takes to be a responsible adult.
When it comes to parenting, there will be plenty of instances when your husband will seem like he doesn’t have it all together. In all honesty, learning about taking care of a child isn’t an innate thing for everyone, and it takes a lot of trial and error.
It’s important that you give your husband the ability to learn from his mistakes, as long as they are not life-and-death situations. For example, if he forgets to write down a play date in the calendar, don’t hang it over his head. It’s something that you will go through as well as the other parent, as it’s a learning experience for the two of you.
The more relaxed you are about him achieving the learning curve, the less stressed you will be. There won’t be a need to constantly hover or remind him to do things a certain way. You can guarantee that he would do anything and everything for his child, and you need to let him.
Agree on “Time Off”
Giving your all to your child is expected of every parent. However, it’s entirely normal to need some time for yourself as well.
As the person who delivered the child or the more motherly out of you and your spouse, it’s expected that you will shoulder most of the responsibility. However, this puts you in a position to where you’ll start to garner resentment towards your spouse. You’ll start to wonder why you have to spend every second of everyday parenting while they get to do whatever they want.
From the beginning, set a schedule to where you each get a certain amount of time off. It doesn’t mean that you need a whole weekend to yourself, but half a day should be more than sufficient.
Don’t Be Afraid to Schedule Sex
Intimacy is far more important than most people realize. As a new parent, learning how not to hate your spouse after kids has a lot to do with sex. Immediately after giving birth, sex might seem laborious and at times impossible. However, if this becomes a standing trend, it will start to dampen the best parts of your relationship.
There are plenty of couples who believe sex isn’t as important as it is. When in reality, it’s one of the rawest and genuine ways for you to show that you care for your significant other. Sex is more than physical attraction, which will become quite clear if you’re experiencing a lapse in this aspect of your marriage.
It’s normal for new parents to get busy, and sex will fall to the back of everyone’s minds. This is why it’s highly recommended that you consider scheduling sex, even if you think you don’t have time for it. There are plenty of couples that plan a whole evening to themselves at least once a week.
Whether the kids go to their grandparent’s house or if they’re in an after-school activity, make time for you and your husband. At first, it might not seem as romantic as getting carried away in the thrills of passion, but over time, you won’t have to schedule it because the fire within you both will be reignited.
Divide Household Chores
Between sanitizing baby bottles to doing the laundry at the end of the week, there’s an endless list of responsibilities as a new parent. One of the best things that you can do is to make sure that you divide your household chores evenly. In fact, it’s highly recommended that you make a plan as early as one week into your lives as new parents.
Without a plan, you’ll find that one person will be doing most of the work, which can be demoralizing and overwhelming. Even if your husband works while you stay at home, there needs to be a division of household responsibilities.
It’s highly recommended that you invest in a planner or a whiteboard where you can mark down each person’s responsibilities for the week. In this way, you’ll both be able to remember what you have to do every day. You’ll surely appreciate not having to chase your husband down because today is the day he has to do dishes. As you start to get into a routine, the household chores will become less of a hassle.
Research Marriage Resources
If you’ve tried all of the above tips but still failed, it’s time to look for outside help. Marriage resources are a fantastic way to make sure you’re getting everything you want out of your relationship. Save the Marriage is one example of a marriage resource to take note of.
Save the Marriage is a step-by-step program designed to guide you through the ins and outs of a healthy marriage. It also gives you the ability to analyze your relationship without having to rely on typical in-person therapy.
Save the Marriage is an intuitive method for resolving issues in your marriage before and after having children. There are plenty of things that you will learn, ranging from how to address certain situations to avoid crises to the top five mistakes people make when a crisis comes into play.
There’s no reason as to why you should have to deal with unnecessary stress during the most exciting years of your life. For this reason, it’s better to seek the guidance you need before your relationship becomes unrecognizable.
Learning how not to hate your husband after kids is much easier than you think. At the end of the day, all you need to do is to let your spouse learn from their mistakes. This will help them to turn into the parent they have always wanted to be.
If all else fails, it’s highly recommended that you look for alternative help, such as Save the Marriage, to guide you through the process of strengthening your marriage.