We need to make clear from the outset that this article is not about how you can stop the legal process of divorce, regardless of which stage it is at. That is something which divorce attorneys will have far more knowledge to share about, than us.
Instead, we are going to discuss how you can stop a divorce happening by saving the marriage which is in danger of ending in divorce. In other words, if you genuinely wish to fix your marriage so that divorce becomes highly unlikely, then read on.
Before You Start
Before you even think about ways you can avoid divorce by fixing your marriage, you and your spouse need to agree that saving it is genuinely what you both wish to do. If only one of you wants to save the marriage, then it will be virtually impossible to achieve, given that only one of you will be prepared to make any of the compromises or changes necessary.
Once you have both agreed you want to avoid divorce and are committed to saving your marriage, it is time for you to make an honest and open assessment of where the marriage is and what problems there are within it, with a view to you creating a way forward that you both agree upon.
This needs to be done openly, and with an acceptance that you both may hear criticism from your other half. It is important that neither of you become too defensive, and that you remain prepared to listen to what the other has to say.
To get help with this assessment part of stopping a divorce, there is excellent advice in the 'Save the Marriage' system, which is a treasure trove of plans, reports, and guidance for any couple seeking to save their marriage and avoid divorce. There is a section dedicated to assessing at what stage your marriage is at, which will help you enormously with what we have discussed in this section.
Ways to Stop a Divorce
We now come to some of the action that can help you stop your marriage from ending in divorce and instead enable you and your spouse to not only save your marriage but also ensure it goes from strength to strength. These will not necessarily produce instant results, so you must be prepared to show a large degree of patience.
No matter how hard you both try, you and your spouse are almost certainly going to hit the occasional bump in the road, and you will both make mistakes. However, if you remain committed to what you are trying to achieve, then these will seem like small setbacks, rather than complete failures.
Share the Blame
One of the most important steps that you and your spouse can take if you are trying to prevent your marriage from ending in divorce, is to accept that you are both to blame for it reaching its current predicament.
This is not the time to become defensive and attempt to shift all the guilt for your struggling marriage on each other. That is a recipe that will make divorce more likely, rather than stopping it.
There may be a fair amount of swallowing one's pride, but if you share the burden of responsibility for your current marriage woes, then it is much easier for you to share the responsibility for making it right again. In that way, you are 'in it together,' while trying to make your marriage work.
Forgive and Forget
While you are discussing your marriage and the problems you and your spouse are having, either of you may bring up any number of actions taken in the past which might have hurt the other.
There are so many possibilities of what they might be, especially as each of us reacts in a different way to any given scenarios. A forgotten birthday might be water off a duck's back to one person, but to another, it might have been the starting line for a full-blown row, and a night spent in the spare room.
The key is that as you move forward in trying to save your marriage, both of you will need to be prepared to either forgive or forget the past misdemeanors of the other. This should prevent the risk of these past events being dragged up in future discussions in order to score points. In effect, you are both wiping the slate clean.
Set the Rules
If you have planned how you are going to save your marriage from divorce, one aspect of that has to be the rules for the way forward. Agree on a list of things that you promise not to do, and a similar list of things you promise you will do.
For example, these can include an agreement to not complain if your spouse does something to annoy you, but instead to discuss it calmly.
Alternatively, you might include asking how your spouse is feeling at least once a day. The point is, if you both agree on the rules, then each of you is aware of the part they have to play to help your marriage survive.
Bring Back the Excitement
Quite simply this means doing anything you can to give your marriage an uplift in terms of the excitement that you both derive from it. Obviously, this can apply to your sexual activities together, and there are countless books which can provide you more than enough ideas to do so.
It also applies to all other aspects of your life, so try to think of ways you could both add a degree of excitement.
The occasional surprise gift, a makeover for your home, an exotic vacation, or merely eating in a different restaurant each week, are just a few of the numerous ways you can add some excitement to your marriage.
Be a Better You
By seeking out ways in which you can transform yourself, it will not only be a huge benefit to your marriage, but it will have a positive effect on all aspects of your life. You can tap into a massive array of self-development material which will improve your thoughtfulness, empathy, speaking skills, motivation, confidence, and so many others, that the list is almost endless.
The program 'Save the Marriage' has lots of advice on how improving yourself can improve your marriage, and how, in many cases, it can completely transform your relationship positively.